Post by evilslave on Apr 18, 2014 18:23:18 GMT -4
Just a few tips:
1. Have an Exit Plan
Although this sounds paranoid, scheduling the pace of your fade might keep you from slipping away too quickly and getting noticed. You don’t want to get into arguments with family members who are desperate to reactivate you spiritually. Stop commenting and get off ministry school right away. Be prepared with a reason to explain why, if asked. Plan each of the next steps in advance.
If you answered yes to any of the above questions you need too:
2. Make new Friends.
You’ll need emotional support when you leave. Do not try and go it alone. Before fading, get closer to family that are not witnesses and be the best Christian you can be with your Witness family members. They will need to see you as a decent person, not angry, this cuts down on shunning from some of them.
3. Seek advice and association from those who’ve done it.
It can be risky to contact other former members, but finding support groups from ex- witnesses on the internet is easier and a low risk solution. We provide contacts at the end if this article. Don’t use your real name, city etc. Some elders attend these sites also, taking names. In the meantime, arrive just before start of each JW meeting. Leave when they say amen. Don’t tarry around. Associate less and less. Always be rushed to go somewhere.
4. Have excuses ready and cover your tracks.
If you aren’t in field service regularly, how will you explain your hours? Low hours are acceptable now, even 15 minutes. Lean heavily on the fact that you do informal witnessing. If you miss meetings on Sunday, some over zealous witnesses will try and check your story. Miss every other one.
When Fading, create a list of topics you can switch to when talking to persistent witnesses. Memorize it so you don’t stutter or pause, which makes it harder for the witness to interrupt. If Family, talk about sickness or something dealing with other family members. (Deflecting away from you.) Comment on their new car, hair style, be sincere, and be in a rush to go somewhere. Keep your coat by the door.
5. Make yourself Hard to reach.
Get caller ID. Know your Elders’ numbers and the kingdom hall number when you see it. Get rid of voice mail. Don’t let them leave messages. It will become suspicious after a while if you don’t return calls to the elders! Of course that means for a while no one can leave you messages, that is a very small price to pay. If they just drop by, cough or be on the phone etc. Ask if they could please call first next time. Remember, elders are not above common courtesy, and you are not a child or slave. The Bible is correct: The fear of man lays a snare (Prov 29:25). Stand up to them, insist they call first. They will probably leave you alone if you exhibit manly qualities.
6. Beware of persistent Witness friends.
As Jehovah’s Witnesses know they are to report on one another. Some may also try to trick you into stating your doubts. To do so, some even pretend to have doubts about the Governing Body, the Watchtower Society, etc thus inviting you as a fader to do the same. Sad to say, your enemy may be of your own household or the one who lies closest to your bosom.
Within hours, days or likely no more than a few weeks you will get a visit from two elders to establish any negative report. It will be an apostasy meeting! Yes, they will tell you their purpose in coming is to build you up but in fact they will be there to judge you for disfellowshipping, emotional harm. Remember that if they decide you are an apostate, you will lose the support and association of all your family, friends and any business associate who are Witnesses.
If you have made a previous appointment with them, keep it. Say what they want to hear if cornered. For example you might say something such as “Nothing against you or anyone, I’m depressed these days. Or carefully stay polite and say very few words, perhaps noting something such as “The Bible says a wise person doesn’t say a lot.”
The big main question that Elders or someone acting on their behalf asks is usually “Do you think this is Jehovah’s organization?” The hope is that you will say Yes so that they can have you shunned. Or you may be asked "do you think the Watchtower Society is right about everything?" This is more subtle but the goal is the same. They want you to say “No,” as this will also be usable to have you declared a non-JW to be shunned.
At least so far they cannot announce you are no longer a JW just because you are inactive or because you are politely turning down their requests for making a shepherding call – although, note, if they judge your attitude as “brazen” they can if they so choose. Due to this new use of Watchtower’s provision to disfellowship by virtue of “brazen conduct,” these days you might or might not get by with saying: “I am depressed,” “I’m too busy,” “I don’t feel well,” “I’ll contact them when ready,” etc to put them off.
If you mention feeling depressed, etc, they may reply with something like, “Oh, what depresses you?” and you can say something like, “Well, this old system has lasted so long. I know it’ll end any second, but still... it’s difficult.” They may then have you read some scripture but likely will also leave you alone, at least for a while.
Given the training from the men at the desks of the Service Department, the local Elders are more than ever leaning toward disfellowshipping. Some Elder(s) related to you might still be inclined to give you some breathing space, but also some Elders might reason, especially if you are a relative of theirs, that giving you the boot, might show a real "zeal" that would enhance their standing within the Watchtower organization, and so be even more inclined to go after you. It’s hard to predict, so err on the side of caution.
Possibly you will be hounded no matter what and even if you moved from one continent to another. Indeed if one Body Of Elders knows the other congregation to which you will be moving, Watchtower orders that they are to send a letter to the other group telling what they think of you. Further, if they have suspicion you are or ever have been an apostate by deed or thought, they can warn the other congregation’s Body Of Elders to take special precautions. You may be subjected to years of abuse due to the letter which by the way Watchtower orders that you are never to be allowed to read.
7. Check current Watchtower literature for upcoming discussions on how to treat apostates and ones that have left. Particularly how shepherding calls are to be handled. The magazines are printed in advance on the Watchtower’s official website. Depending on what they say, this may or may not be the best time to fade, although if you wait it may get even harder to do so. Also you know your own local and personal circumstances best. What works for one person even in the same kingdom hall may not work as well for another person, or vice versa.
8. Move to Another Congregation!
1. Have an Exit Plan
Although this sounds paranoid, scheduling the pace of your fade might keep you from slipping away too quickly and getting noticed. You don’t want to get into arguments with family members who are desperate to reactivate you spiritually. Stop commenting and get off ministry school right away. Be prepared with a reason to explain why, if asked. Plan each of the next steps in advance.
If you answered yes to any of the above questions you need too:
2. Make new Friends.
You’ll need emotional support when you leave. Do not try and go it alone. Before fading, get closer to family that are not witnesses and be the best Christian you can be with your Witness family members. They will need to see you as a decent person, not angry, this cuts down on shunning from some of them.
3. Seek advice and association from those who’ve done it.
It can be risky to contact other former members, but finding support groups from ex- witnesses on the internet is easier and a low risk solution. We provide contacts at the end if this article. Don’t use your real name, city etc. Some elders attend these sites also, taking names. In the meantime, arrive just before start of each JW meeting. Leave when they say amen. Don’t tarry around. Associate less and less. Always be rushed to go somewhere.
4. Have excuses ready and cover your tracks.
If you aren’t in field service regularly, how will you explain your hours? Low hours are acceptable now, even 15 minutes. Lean heavily on the fact that you do informal witnessing. If you miss meetings on Sunday, some over zealous witnesses will try and check your story. Miss every other one.
When Fading, create a list of topics you can switch to when talking to persistent witnesses. Memorize it so you don’t stutter or pause, which makes it harder for the witness to interrupt. If Family, talk about sickness or something dealing with other family members. (Deflecting away from you.) Comment on their new car, hair style, be sincere, and be in a rush to go somewhere. Keep your coat by the door.
5. Make yourself Hard to reach.
Get caller ID. Know your Elders’ numbers and the kingdom hall number when you see it. Get rid of voice mail. Don’t let them leave messages. It will become suspicious after a while if you don’t return calls to the elders! Of course that means for a while no one can leave you messages, that is a very small price to pay. If they just drop by, cough or be on the phone etc. Ask if they could please call first next time. Remember, elders are not above common courtesy, and you are not a child or slave. The Bible is correct: The fear of man lays a snare (Prov 29:25). Stand up to them, insist they call first. They will probably leave you alone if you exhibit manly qualities.
6. Beware of persistent Witness friends.
As Jehovah’s Witnesses know they are to report on one another. Some may also try to trick you into stating your doubts. To do so, some even pretend to have doubts about the Governing Body, the Watchtower Society, etc thus inviting you as a fader to do the same. Sad to say, your enemy may be of your own household or the one who lies closest to your bosom.
Within hours, days or likely no more than a few weeks you will get a visit from two elders to establish any negative report. It will be an apostasy meeting! Yes, they will tell you their purpose in coming is to build you up but in fact they will be there to judge you for disfellowshipping, emotional harm. Remember that if they decide you are an apostate, you will lose the support and association of all your family, friends and any business associate who are Witnesses.
If you have made a previous appointment with them, keep it. Say what they want to hear if cornered. For example you might say something such as “Nothing against you or anyone, I’m depressed these days. Or carefully stay polite and say very few words, perhaps noting something such as “The Bible says a wise person doesn’t say a lot.”
The big main question that Elders or someone acting on their behalf asks is usually “Do you think this is Jehovah’s organization?” The hope is that you will say Yes so that they can have you shunned. Or you may be asked "do you think the Watchtower Society is right about everything?" This is more subtle but the goal is the same. They want you to say “No,” as this will also be usable to have you declared a non-JW to be shunned.
At least so far they cannot announce you are no longer a JW just because you are inactive or because you are politely turning down their requests for making a shepherding call – although, note, if they judge your attitude as “brazen” they can if they so choose. Due to this new use of Watchtower’s provision to disfellowship by virtue of “brazen conduct,” these days you might or might not get by with saying: “I am depressed,” “I’m too busy,” “I don’t feel well,” “I’ll contact them when ready,” etc to put them off.
If you mention feeling depressed, etc, they may reply with something like, “Oh, what depresses you?” and you can say something like, “Well, this old system has lasted so long. I know it’ll end any second, but still... it’s difficult.” They may then have you read some scripture but likely will also leave you alone, at least for a while.
Given the training from the men at the desks of the Service Department, the local Elders are more than ever leaning toward disfellowshipping. Some Elder(s) related to you might still be inclined to give you some breathing space, but also some Elders might reason, especially if you are a relative of theirs, that giving you the boot, might show a real "zeal" that would enhance their standing within the Watchtower organization, and so be even more inclined to go after you. It’s hard to predict, so err on the side of caution.
Possibly you will be hounded no matter what and even if you moved from one continent to another. Indeed if one Body Of Elders knows the other congregation to which you will be moving, Watchtower orders that they are to send a letter to the other group telling what they think of you. Further, if they have suspicion you are or ever have been an apostate by deed or thought, they can warn the other congregation’s Body Of Elders to take special precautions. You may be subjected to years of abuse due to the letter which by the way Watchtower orders that you are never to be allowed to read.
7. Check current Watchtower literature for upcoming discussions on how to treat apostates and ones that have left. Particularly how shepherding calls are to be handled. The magazines are printed in advance on the Watchtower’s official website. Depending on what they say, this may or may not be the best time to fade, although if you wait it may get even harder to do so. Also you know your own local and personal circumstances best. What works for one person even in the same kingdom hall may not work as well for another person, or vice versa.
8. Move to Another Congregation!
